| Back to Square One
THE MAGIC OF WILLINGNESS
Back to Square One means that you are each willing to start over as if it were the very beginning of your relationship.
How Square One is actually done is unique for each couple.
This page offers a few ideas. Think about them. Let your creativity out. Talk about the best way to do it for you two (don't let yourself get into issues when setting up a plan).
STEP 1: ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS, READ WHAT FOLLOWS AND TALK ABOUT IT TOGETHER.
- Are each of you 100% willing to learn about the situation you're in now? Willing to ask real bottom-line questions and listen to the answers objectively? (Willing does not mean you have to know anything or know what to do. You are just willing. Wide open. Honestly interested.)
- Are each of you 100% willing to make the relationship work and give your best?
- Are you 100% willing to let go of some thoughts or a position that you may have had for some time about yourself, your partner or about something else in the relationship?
- So, are you? Honestly. Are you this willing?
If you each are, then you have something real and mutual to work with and it will just take time and focused energy, which you both have.
If though, one of you isn't willing, this is more than hard work can handle. This is a relationship and a relationship takes more than one. One cannot do it alone no matter how much interest, loving, wisdom and determination there is (been there, done that?). So take a look at your level of willingness. If it is not one hundred percent, Square One really won't work for you. But perhaps it's on its way to one hundred. All things are always possible.
STEP 2: PREPARE FOR SQUARE ONE:
THE ATTITUDE THAT ALLOWS SQUARE ONE TO WORK :
I am alone responsible for my happiness and fulfillment in life. I am alone responsible for my healing and my expansion to more good in my life. When I take such care of myself, I shall know such inner fullness and love that it can't help but overflow to my partner/best friend (and vice versa) and then to our children and then out into the community. To give from this overflow is the true blessing of a marriage.
"Romance and work are great diversions to keep you from dealing with yourself." Cher
TOOLS FOR NAVIGATING THROUGH CHALLENGING MOMENTS:
- Openness (suspend judgments and preconceived ideas for the time being);
- Patience, flexibility and understanding (lots and lots of these);
- Allowing time and space for thoughts, sharing and experiences to settle in and be absorbed; let there be room for negative thoughts, resistance, struggles and self-judgments to pass. Be neutral and non-judgmental. You can do it!
- Understanding Forgiveness
- Be loving, loving, loving, loving and more loving. Loving makes the hardest most troublesome matter settle down and turn to the lightside.
"I think it's very important to be positive about everything in your life that's negative. You can turn a twist on it." Barbara Streisand
STEP 3: READ THE REST OF THIS PAGE AND SET UP A PLAN THAT YOU WILL FOLLOW THROUGH UPON.
THE PHYSICAL SETTING FOR SQUARE ONE
Some couples will go away for the night or a weekend. The ideal place is where you have a lot of time alone together and are relatively free from temptations to be distracted such as entertainment, TV, substances that are a part of any addictions you may have, socializing with others, shopping, etc. It's not that any of this is bad but to get the most from your time together, it is critical that you have real time together--the two of you.
WHAT DO YOU DO DURING THIS PERIOD OF TIME?
This is something that will come to you in the form of ideas and creative solutions. The reason this will come to you is because you are each creative. Everyone is. Add to this that you are each 100% willing to make Square One work, we can confidently say that this will come to you. Remind yourselves that there are just no rules here. It is suggested that you take the highest road you know during this time. What does this mean? We don't want to define this for you. Follow your hearts. Trust what you know to be true about life. Work together. Choose to support each other. Assist the other. Let every moment be filled with choices of loving each other. Truly be in the present and in your Heart. There is no way your inner wisdom and guidance system will not be with you at this time.
A NOTE ON TOPICS DURING SQUARE ONE
Again, there are no rules or 'have tos'. We do suggest that you set the tone for your future together by reflecting on, discussing and formulating what marriage means to you and to listen deeply what marriage means to your partner. This is kind of a mission statement or model. Ask yourself: With everything I have been through in my life, what is really really important to me? What do I see now as the opportunity of being married? What is our true potential together? You could jointly write out a statement. For some of you this could be written in a form of a prayer that you relate to. This is not about words though. This is about your vision together. You intention.
YOUR THOUGHTS
Do you have any ideas or experiences or questions about Square One to share with us? Email us
Would you like to dialogue with The Toolman?
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