The Marriage Toolbox: Maintaining Marriage / The Marriage Toolbox Picture Dictionary for Unabridged Relationships

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Toolbox Picture Scenarios

THAT'S THE GUY. THE ONE I CAMP WITH.

Look at her face. She is not a happy camper. Yuk. Very uncomfortable. She is clear that she is an innocent victim here. Who's the culprit? The snake in the grass? The wretch? Dear darling husband, who else?

Consciously or unconsciously, she told herself that he caused all of this to happen to her--he made her feel what she felt. She proclaimed, "He did this. Otherwise I wouldn't be going through this and feeling this". Life does not feel very fair for you now.

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BUT LOOK MORE CLOSELY

Toolbox Relationships1 (2k gif) Look at the expression on each of their faces. It's not just one person blaming another. Something amusing or humorous is going on.

It's true that it started out with her pointing the finger at him but it ended up with each seeing something light in the situation. Maybe she was so serious he burst out laughing. Maybe something just spontaneously happened and they both couldn't hold it any longer. The point? Don't be too serious. Let yourselves have fun with things. Fun will make the toughest of issues resolve sooner. Be playful with each other (when appropriate). It is always easier to see things clearly when relaxed.

TIP: Come up with new things to try in finding what keeps things moving forward for you two.

WHO ARE YOU DOING IT FOR?
Toolbox Relationships 2 (5k gif)
Here's a situation where he is joking around and thinks he's doing the right thing. What she really needs is some quiet and space and time for herself after a long stressful day at work. He had a long stressful day too but his style is to release it by joking and being active. This doesn't work for her. It's actually having the effect of making her feel resistant and defensive, not up. With all his good intentions--he does love her-- she's just needs some time by herself.

THE INCOMPARABLE PASSION PLAY

Toolbox Relationships 3 (6k gif) You love and appreciate her to no end. You know she's not a mind reader and so she probably doesn't know just how much you love her. You want to do something special because a love as strong as you feel not shown means nothing. You hear Garth Brooks singing in your head "...to make you feel my love". You take inventory of the tools in your Passion Play Toolbox:

I can act. . . I love making up lines. . . I am creative. . . I have fun coming up with unique things. . . I love working with woods. . . THAT'S IT, I'll make her something . . . "I've got just the idea".

A Passion Play is a creation imbued with your passion for your partner. It involves any skill(s) you have and can be anything. The only basic ingredient required is your love and appreciation for your partner. It could be a play, pottery that you made, a poem, a drawing, a treasure hunt that leads to something you got for her, a surprise outing, anything.

Here is an example:

When Nash and I were first dating, he wanted to make me something special for my dogs (since he knows how much I love them) but he did not want to tell me about it. So he just said that he was 'making me something special'. Because it was a big project, it was going to take a long time and I kept asking him to give me a hint. He said that he would never tell. One week before Christmas I got a handmade Christmas ornament made out of wood in the shape of a doghouse. I later found out that my surprise was a custom doghouse complete with cedar shingles. It turns out that the Christmas ornament he sent three months earlier, was built as an exact replica (to scale) as the larger one. Wow! What a creative guy.

HOW DO YOU OPEN YOUR HEART THAT ONE MORE TIME?

Toolbox Relationships 4 (2k gif)
You just open it.

With a physical world tool, lets say a carpenter tool, you don’t use it on another person. you use it yourself to create something for another person. Likewise in relationship you don’t use a tool on another person or to try to change them, you use it on yourself, for your learning and growth and healing.

For example, let's say each of you is uptight with each other right now (your hearts are closed). Do you take a heart-opening tool and use it on your partner, to get their heart to open? No you don't. You use it on yourself. You open your heart or open it up more. You choose to do this no matter what happened, no matter WHAT! You do this even though you have been wronged. It may not be logical , it may feel stupid, ridiculous and against your feeling. Doesn't matter you just open it.

Don't think
about opening it,
just do it!

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