The Marriage Toolbox: Creating Marriage / The Nine Hot Potatoes

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The Nine Hot Potatoes

DO YOU HAVE ONE OF THESE RED HOT POTATOES IN YOUR HAND RIGHT NOW?

HOT POTATO #1
Letting parents, your consultant, your officiant, wedding vendors, friends, even your spouse-to-be and your favorite wedding web site override what you know is best.

HOT POTATO #2
Hiring wedding vendors based on price alone; forgetting that in life you basically get what you pay for. Perhaps forgetting that when we go for excellence and quality, we often save money overall. Forgetting that cheap is often more expensive in the long run. And sometimes big time.

HOT POTATO #3
Being responsible for other people's feelings and experience. Not taking care of yourself because you are afraid they could feel hurt. Not taking care of yourself because you don't want to deal with other's thoughts and talk in blaming you for their hurt (you are not the blame though!). Walking on egg shells because of all this.

HOT POTATO #4
Going to the other extreme from #3 and choosing to feel overwhelmed and shutting down because it's all too much. Choosing to feel distant and preoccupied with yourself. Unwilling to expand and learn from what is going on. Not willing to consider a way that could work for everyone (didn't say you had to do this, just willing to do it).

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HOT POTATO #5
Not spending quality time with yourself during these engagement months having persuaded yourself that there isn't enough time and that everything else is more important right now. This potato represents that taking care of yourself is not a priority. This is a real hot one.

HOT POTATO #6
Not scheduling quality time together. And believing it's not a problem--that there will be time tomorrow . "We'll be together after we get married." Or perhaps you think that just living in the same house together and doing errands together is quality time. Maybe it is. But are you sure? Maybe for you two it isn't (?). The longer its been since you checked in to listen to each other's need and your own, the hotter this potato is.

HOT POTATO #7
Not be in charge of ceremony. Not being involved with what's going to be said at your ceremony - letting your officiant or someone else make decisions for you. Forgetting that your your ceremony script is vital because this is your wedding day and you should relate to everything that will be said including the prayer. Forgetting that no one, that's spelled: n-o---o-n-e, knows better than you two what is right for you.

HOT POTATO #8
Choosing to be busy and frantic. Running around in a crazy way like your head is not with you. Not taking the time to organize your life and take everything in stride--one day at a time...one moment at a time.

HOT POTATO #9
In general worrying about anything and everything--not trusting that everything will work (IS working) out just as perfectly as how you two came together in the first place. (Right?)

KNOW ANY OTHER HOT POTATOES? We'd love to hear a new one!

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